29 ways to know you’ve been playing too much Ultimate
BY jEFFREY EDWARD BISCHOFF
19. You use words such as “poach” or “taco” in
13. Your cleats haven’t had a chance to dry in
everyday conversation, as in: ”Can I poach
two months.
1. You heckle the discus thrower at a track meet
some of your fries?”; ”This CD isn’t working, I
because he’s too lame to throw a hammer.
14. The idea of “pigs eating swill” makes you think it’s tacoed.”
“The fans want a hammer!!”
laugh, ‘cause c’mon; a pig laying out for
20. You show up to meetings at work on
a d-block?!
2. When pulled over
“Ultimate time”.
for weaving over a
Photo by: greg Probe
21. You consider
double yellow line, Ultimate cheers fine
you try to explain literature.
to the officer that
22. The man you’re
he didn’t have best
guarding yells
perspective, and that
“poach!” before the
it’s your call.
disc is checked in.
3. You yell “PICK!” when
23. You accidentally
someone weaves in
yell “UP!” while
front of you on the
watching Monday
highway.
Night Football.
4. Bagels make you
24. Your most
puke.
comfortable shoes
5. You yell “Dive for that
What’s your photo caption? What are they doing in this photo? Give us your best humourous
are your cleats.
swill!!” at a baseball
attempt and win valueable Ultimate prizes! Email us with your answer!
25. You start
game when the first
wearing skirts when
baseman misses an
15. The drain filter in your shower is for
not playing disc (and you’re a guy).
errant throw.
catching turf.
26. You feel cheated when your reverse-spin-
6. The moleskin won’t come off your
16. When headcount issues come up at work, you
upside-down-behind-the-back-no-look-push-
feet anymore.
offer to “rosham-keep-job” with your boss.
pass for a goal gets called “swill”.
7. People ask you what you do when you’re not
17. When someone talks about visiting a town and
27. If you don’t play disc for 2-3 days in a row, you
playing Ultimate, and you don’t have
you mention that you’ve been there and they
forget to take showers.
an answer.
ask “oh, how was it?” and you can only give
28. You high five all your teammates when you
8. On the way to work, you accidentally yell,
them directions to the local Ultimate fields.
win a Ro Sham for the pull.
“Clear out!” to the cars in front of you.
18. Every vacation you take includes a tournament
9. You’ve been to more tournaments than you’ve
29. You start to like the nickname “Swill Boy”.
in there somewhere.
had vacation days this past year.
10. You get confused by reading the directions,
“poach fish in simmering broth.”
11. When you call a meeting at work, you ask your
coworkers to “bring it in.”
12. “Toast” reminds you of a nickname before it
reminds you of bread.
www.canadianultimate.com — Ultimate Canada Magazine 29
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